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Communication is the life's blood of a marriage. Communication is the vehicle by which people in a relationship are able to communicate their love, commitment and affection to each other. It is the cornerstone of effective problem solving. Without appropriate communication, relationships struggle to maintain the affection, the connection, and the sense of belonging and acceptance that are so important to all individuals. It is easy to understand how important attending to your marriage is, when about half of all marriages end in divorce. A marriage that attends to the needs of each partner for happiness, is one that has a higher probability of persisting over time. The least vulnerable marriage is one in which both partners are satisfied. Both partners in a marriage must be happy or the marriage is vulnerable. One of the major causes of divorce is conflict and ineffective communication/problem solving. Another is infidelity. Both of these problem areas for couples can be fixed or prevented. People often believe that they communicate well. However, when emotions are intense, that may not be the case. Sometimes couples believe that they communicate well, when in fact, they spend very little time together, and even less, actually interacting with each other. Often one partner will want and need more interaction and communication time while the other needs less, which puts their needs in conflict. This is a relationship issue that often finds its way into discussions that are seemingly unrelated. So, instead of talking about not feeling loved enough, feeling taken for granted, or feeling unimportant, a couple will end up arguing about taking out the trash. To one person, the issue is "taking out the trash". To the other, the meaning of repeatedly asking someone to take out the trash, means "s/he doesn't love me" or "I'm not important". Many positive relationship outcomes can occur when couples identify that they do need more time together, with just the two of them, where they are not being distracted by television, phone calls, the kids, the job, or others, and they make time for this togetherness. Commitment helps a marriage weather the many changes that it goes through over time. Change leads to stress. Individual partners experience shared stressors and individual stressors. Couples can use the relationship as a strength to deal with shared and individual stressors, or they can individually problem solve and try to sell their individual solutions to each other, thereby setting themselves up for more conflict and more stress. For couples to be able to assist each other with stress, there must be effective communication. There are many ways to learn to effectively communicate. Couples counseling, marital enrichment programs, and structured or semi-structured communication exercises are all possibilities. Couples counseling can teach you to identify when you are trying to problem solve on different levels and how to get on the same page. Couple's Feelings Meetings and The Honey Jar, a couple's conversation starter, are examples of helpful communication exercises. If you are a spouse or a couple trying to recover the positive feelings you once had in your relationship, take action. It is not a good idea to do nothing, hoping that something will change. Change is inevitable, but it may not be the type of change you are hoping for. Copyright (c) 2009 Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D.
Article Source: http://www.mycontentbuilder.com
A multitude of resources are available to you on the website of Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D. at www.peggyferguson.com You can also sign up for Dr. Ferguson's Newsletter there. To download (for purchase) The Honey Jar, a couple's communication exercise, go to www.honeyjarcommunications.com Peggy L. Ferguson, Ph.D. is a therapist in private practice in Stillwater, OK. She is also a writer, trainer, and consultant.
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