The Exploding Coconuts

Have you ever noticed that most of life's lessons contradict each other? Like "Always stop to smell the flowers" and "Idle hands are the Devil's workshop."

I remember in high school, my chemistry teacher, Mr. James, explained violent reactions by taking a small slice of sodium metal and dropping it in water. POOF! A flash, a bang, a wisp of smoke and I was ready to give my life to science!

"Of course," said Mr. James, "you have to be very careful. More water or a bigger piece of sodium and who knows what will happen!"

I mistakenly thought that he DIDN'T know and for the sake of science, I decided to find out. After class, my buddy Mike and I volunteered to clean up the back room. As soon as the teacher left, we got out sodium. Since I am an overachiever, I got out the biggest piece I could…and (since I am clumsy) accidentally dropped it straight down the drain!

"Dang!" I said (I had already picked up the scientist 'lingo'). "Let's try that again with another piece."
"Wait!" Mike cautioned. "Maybe we should clean out the sink first."
"Alright!" I replied and immediately turned both faucets on.

(Historical Note: In high school, Mike was always the Idea Guy and I was the Action Guy. Somehow, Idea Guys stood BEHIND Action Guys.)

I don't know what it is like to be in a war zone. I do know, however, that suddenly Mike had run three miles without leaving the spot he was standing on and I was trying to go six directions at the same time. Everything was covered with water, which hid the fact that we had both wet ourselves.
The sodium had EXPLODED straight up the drain, out the sink and into the atmosphere, landing somewhere near the moon.

Lesson Learned? Listen to what people say.

A more recent lesson I learned involved the microwave. We had one at the office (note the use of the past tense). Someone passed me a coconut because they couldn't get it open. At the same time, another Idea Person told me to put it in the microwave to soften it up. Remembering lesson one, I did what I was told: Coconut in the microwave on HIGH for five minutes.

I want you to picture our kitchen. It's quiet, save the hum of the microwave. Two ladies are on break, quietly drinking coffee and talking in hushed tones. Now picture God's wrath on a large, round nut full of milk! Lighting shooting out of the oven as the door blows open! Mild and shell fly like shrapnel! Two traumatized women stuck on the ceiling by their nails!

Our office instantly transforms from "beehive of activity" to "henhouse of concern" and EVERYTHING smells like toasted coconut. I only did what I was told to do.

Lesson learned? Don't listen to anyone. Think for yourself.
It's no wonder nobody ever asks me for advice…

Mark Thrice is a syndicated humor columnist. For more laughs, visit www.markthrice.com

Article Source: http://www.mycontentbuilder.com

www.markthrice.com

Please Rate this Article

5 out of 54 out of 53 out of 52 out of 51 out of 5 

Not yet Rated