Divorce Hurts, But Life Isn't Over

If your marriage didn't work out, don't feel bad, learn. We all make mistakes. When I was in college, I lived with several different friends. With some, I founhd that we could have a good business relationship. Each of us paid our share of the rent, and were honest with each other about issues. With others, we got on each other's nerves, squabbled over insignificant matters, and were, in short, not compatible.

Too many times when a marriage ends, we feel like we have personally failed. We weren't sexy enough, patient enough, or interesting enough to keep our spouse's attention. More often, the problem is deeper. It is not a question of fault, but priorities. If your goals and needs aren't the same, you may not be able to work things out.

If your attitude toward money is save for the future, and don't spend too much now, you will have problems with someone who doesn't mind using a credit card for immediate pleasure. Some people don't worry about being in debt. Others can't sleep at night knowing they owe money for something they no longer have.

Different discussion styles can also contribute to marital tension. If you like a good quiet talk, and your partner doesn't take a loud argument personally, you are bound to have your feelings hurt. He / she may carry on at the top of his / her lungs, and then feel like the air is cleared, and life can go back to normal. Meanwhile, you may feel like you've been dragged over the coals, and feel that nothing can be settled until you recieve an apology.

Housework is another area where differences can lead to marital discord. Some people want the dishes to be clean almost as soon as the meal is finished. One of my roommates was like that. She would be clearing the table when I was still chewing my last mouthful of dinner. I didn't mind if dishes piled up for a couple days, and didn't understand why she'd get upset if I had a bowl of cottage cheese and rushed off to class without washing my bowl and fork. Even now, I maintain that neither of us was wrong, our comfort zones were just different.

It is possible for a couple to adjust to each other's idiosincracies. The person who who doesn't feel comfortable unless the house is spic and span may end up doing more of the housework. The partner who is a better cook may end up preparing most of the meals. A yeller may learn to tone his / her enthusiasm down to make a quieter spouse more comfortable discussing differences.

Compromise is possible. However, if it doesn't happen, you may have to find someone who is a better fit. for you. We can't do anything to change another person. They have to want to change, and to have that desire, they have to have insentive. Hopefully, your relationship will be enough. But, if it isn't, you shouldn't be too hard on yourself. Picking up the pieces may not be easy, but it can be done.

Copyright (c) 2009 Lucille Uttermohlen

Article Source: http://www.mycontentbuilder.com

Lucille Uttermohlen has been a family law attorney for 27 years. If you hav questions about divorce, or any other legal issue, visit Lucille at www.couple-or-not.com for answers.

Please Rate this Article

5 out of 54 out of 53 out of 52 out of 51 out of 5  

Not yet Rated