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Is there such thing as a perfect parent? Of course not! You have to always be improving and re-inventing yourself as a parent. You may even think it is your child's fault that your parenting skills are lacking. Is it? Or is it that you are not doing your best? Here goes the 5 tips: 1. Know Thyself: What makes you tick? What drives you over the wall? What makes you smile? If you know yourself, you can start being aware of your state. The plan is to do something before the 'bad' state sets in. In other words, you should be so intimate with your being that you would 'feel' a temper arising, an impatience surfacing, before it is too late for you to take control. 2. Read the Situation: Children do it - what can't you as an adult read the situation? How many times have you been faced with your child already taking advantage of the situation before you catch on? Picture this:- the phone rings and your best friend is on the other end of the phone. As you relax into a pleasant conversation with your friend, your child jumps to the occasion and asks whether she/he can have that bar of chocolate that has been lingering on the table. You hardly take any notice and sub-consciously nod your approval. Got cha!!!! Then when you realise what you have done, you blow in a temper not at yourself (oh no no no) but at your child. Do you get my point? Read the situation and pre-empt any 'wise' moves from your child. 3. Know Thy Child: Come on, after all this child has lived (in most cases) all his/her life with you. Have you not learnt your lessons every time she/he outwits you? Be perceptive, be observant, be inquisitive... and, most of all, be analytical of what and why something happened after it has happened. Dissect the situation and see where the event deviated from where you were leading it to. 4. Change Yourself: Who likes changes? No-one in my view. Changing ourselves? Nay, nay nay! Your child is forever changing whether she/he wants to. The various stages of growing up (baby, toddler, pre teenager, teenager, post teenager, pre adult...) will ensure your child goes through changes at various levels, be it emotional, mental, physical and so on. Your parenting skills that may have worked when your child was in one stage of her/his life, will probably not work at other stages of his/her life. Is that reason enough for you to change. My answer is Yes without doubt. Besides, you, as an adult too, go through various stages that will change you hopefully for the best as the wings of wisdom embrace you. 5. Start Again and Again and Again: So you failed again. You made a promise to yourself that you would keep cool in any situation with your child and not lose your temper or give in and... yet again it happened. That sweet little child has such a knack at pushing the right button (or more accurately the wrong button) to make you spit fire. So what?! Beat yourself for a minute if you want, then analyse, analyse, analyse. What went wrong? Why did you lose your temper? Was it that you were not at your optimum shape mentally, physically, maybe feeling tired or ill, you had a very bad day at work??? Of course with your busy life, there are several reasons to lose your good intentions. Try better next time. Look at where the flaw was and pre-empt the same thing happening next time. 6. Before you accuse me of not being able to count, this is a freebie tip. An important one. Are you ready? Here goes: Laugh at yourself and your child from time to time. Based on my own personal experience, I affirm that you may find that one day, when your child is more of an adult and wiser, you will both laugh at it (unless you have fallen out with each other by then - this is a topic I will cover another time). For this article, it is the happy ending of your child who has finally grown up a little bit more, has gone through a few challenges in life as adult and finally sees what motives were driving 'mummy' and 'daddy'. You will both go back to memory lane and reminisce over the good, and not so good, times of old and laugh about them. I would love to give you more examples and more tips about your relationship with your child. You think you have mastered the tricks of your lovely child but he/she soon pulls out 10 more tricks on you. Parenting is a daily learning experience even when your child has turned 30 and older. Happy Parenting!
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